question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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