i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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