I just found puke in my bra..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
