enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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