They should really pass out barf bags in church
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
