woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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