puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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