There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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