Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
