she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
