Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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