was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
