I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
