I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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