I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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