hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
