I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
