you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
