You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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