He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
