Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
