I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
