You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
