You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
