Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
