I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize