in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
