Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
