I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
