I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I touched a dick in church today
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