That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
