So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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