Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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