I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
