We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
