I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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