it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
