My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
how drunk are you?
Several
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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