Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize