just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
