nut hugger
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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