forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
