Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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