Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
