Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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