Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
