Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
