i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
