Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
