I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
