i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
