I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
