the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize