with your own penis?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
