The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
