Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
