when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
zippers are such a cool invention
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
