I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
