Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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