Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
