i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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