I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
