i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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