I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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