I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
