I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
