My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I haven't been this sober since birth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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