I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
