So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
