I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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