i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
