I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is the high leading the old right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
