take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you had me at cake vodka
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
