i may or may not be watching the land before time
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
