I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
