I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
