Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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