Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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